Glo’tharius Smith (Anchor):
Good evening. I’m Glo’tharius Smith, and this is CPIN Local!
Tonight, new developments surrounding the self-declared “The Empire of the Hand”, a Kiffar-ran terrorist faction operating in Lesser Space doubling as a perverse Chiss fan club.
Ascendancy officials confirmed early yesterday that this organization bears no connection to the historic Empire of the Hand, and is neither led nor administered by Chiss.
Sources have told CPIN security elements in Lesser Space have uncovered evidence of unusual blue paint thefts tied to Space Home Depots.
Records show a 340 percent spike in bulk cerulean thefts across two corridors associated with the fan club. Typically used for industrial hull coatings and insulation sealants, it is alleged “The Empire of the Hand” leader is using the materials as “ceremonial enhancement supplies.”
Unverified holofeeds circulating through independent channels show members of the faction appearing with visibly blue-tinted faces during public addresses.
CPIN has not independently verified the extent of cosmetic application.
Joining us is Dr. Vesh’cor Neth, Professor of Interstellar Cultural Identity, and Commander Thra’sol Invek (Ret.), Defense Analyst.
Dr. Neth, what are we seeing here?
Dr. Neth:
What we are observing appears to be mimicry. When an alien lacks authentic cultural continuity, it may attempt to replicate visible identifiers of prestige and beauty. In this case, blue pigmentation is strongly associated with the Chiss species. Unfortunately for the alien, cultural inheritance is not transferable through industrial face paint.
Glo’tharius Smith:
And the body painting? Do they paint their whole body?
Dr. Neth:
Head, and shoulders…
Glo’tharius Smith:
Knees and toes?
Dr. Neth:
Knees, and toes.
Glo’tharius Smith (pauses):
Head, shoulders, knees, and toes.
Dr. Neth:
Eyes, and ears, mouth and nose.
Glo’tharius Smith
Wow. Incredible dedication. Moving over to you Commander Invek, does this visual imitation translate to credibility?
Commander Invek:
Real Mandalorians would never behave in such fashion. There is no animus of hatred between the Chiss people, or its government, towards any alien really. Only towards those who aim to cause us harm, would we wish ill, and these attacks only come from Lesser Space not from us.
Glo’tharius Smith:
So, what can we expect from the Chiss government?
Commander Invek:
The Ascendancy attempted diplomatic resolution regarding the group’s name. Any reasonable overtures were declined by the faction’s leader, who apparently spent so much time stealing blue paint, he did not make other considerations. It is rather possible the repeated paint applications may have altered the alien mental faculties.
Glo’tharius Smith:
Much to consider. Thank you both for joining us today.
As the galaxy now comes to grips with a blue paint shortage, FaceChiss use has exploded among youth. Next, I speak with a wife of a reverend who wants you to think of the children.